i think im gonna start writting in this for a little while to just get stuff out of my head.. the past day has been real werid for me.. i dont think.. i feel like crying.. i feel like writting.. but i cant write.. i wanna write a poem or something to express myself. but i dont know what to make it about..  i want to just do something.. i decided to move on.. with a lot of things and people..  i cleaned up a lot of my room today.. i looked at all the notes i got last year.. and i threw them all out.. i think i want to start over with a lot of shit.. or just move on.. i cant believe how stupid i was back then.. to worry over stupid shit that seems like nothing now.. im blasting my music.. my music has like influenced me.. it changed my mood so much.. i was listening to depressing shit last night and then like last night i was all werid today im all werid.. i keep listening to the same song over and over again.. i wrote the lyrics down and put them up on my wall.. i cleaned out my closet and got rid of some clothing.. i want to see amber so fucking bad.. but i feel like its not gonna happen.. i got my hopes up so fucking high to see her.. and her mom was a bitch and said no.. i fucking hate it.. gosh i started crying when i got a letter from amber.. and started talkign to her again.. god id do almost anything to fucking see her.. and i doubt its gonna fucking happen..  me n her are so common in so many ways.. i just want to visit her for a fucking day.. all i want is that.. and its not gonna happen .. i know it wont.. i havent been sleeping good the past couple days.. finally got started on something.. im happy about..  but other than that who fucking knows.. i just feel like depressed i guess.. all ive been doing is moping around the house. starting to cry and then stoping.. i dont fucking know whats wrong with me..  i wish i knew.. because id change it so im happy again.. i feel like this summer is so different.. last summer i always hung around sarah , jackie , amy , jordan .,. the crew.. this year its like i hardly hung out with any of them.. i dont miss all the drama though and every now and then there is drama when i hang around doug n jordan and i cant deal with it.. other times i dont mind them.. but it gets to be a lot.. ive still hung out with amy pretty much this summer..  i just called her to talk to her.. but she was out with shaun.. so i left her go..  i feel like going for a walk and crying.. just crying my eyes out.. till i cant cry anymore.. last night my eyes started burning.. whats wrong with me..

<33 kristi

i love you jer jer